Staying Classy

Now that I'm 30, I've been trying to act more like an adult instead of a ragey, angsty teenager.

Fuck that.

I know how to behave in certain situations (thanks to 6 years of etiquette school). Plus, I'm a Southern girl so the niceness and polite ways go straight to the bone. But when a situation pops up that completely blindsides me, I tend to revert to that potty mouth virago that I loved and cherished in my early to mid 20s. I loved that girl! She was silly, smart, funny, crazy, and above all, she always spoke her mind. People knew EXACTLY where they stood with her, whether they were offended or not. I've managed to continue keeping people in the know about my feelings but I've learned to be less offensive.

Not anymore.

I'm going to be offensive, classless, tasteless, and evil. I need to prepare you so that there won't be any surprises as you read (and I know you eventually will). This post is for me to air out my grievances and to work on forgetting the awful things I've endured. It is also to let my friends know what is going on with me. They genuinely care about me so I can tell them these things. If you are offended or feel bad about anything that is said, just know that you will never be as hurt as what you've done to me. You don't deserve my graciousness or mercy. So suck it up and take your medicine.

Eggo is a lying, deceitful piece of shit. He tried to booty call me (after never seeming to want to have sex with me when we were together) and when I shut him down, he came up with a cock-and-bullshit story about 'testing' me. To make sure I was over him and to make sure I would remain faithful to the new guy I was dating. So either he thinks I'm an idiot and a whore (to fall for the idiotic story) or he thinks that he, a 23-year-old homeless loser with zero prospects (not even a high school diploma), should be telling me how to act and live my life. I don't know which one is worse.

The bullshit first story calls to the fact that I was humiliated during our relationship because I had a boyfriend who didn't want me sexually. I fell for his bullshit lies of being too depressed or too tired to have sex. All the time Deistbrawler and Tracer Bullet were telling me that he was full of shit, I ignored them and stood by my man. No more. To top it off? The sex? Wasn't so great. Zero foreplay and after a few minutes it was over. The actual good parts were completely overshadowed by the fact that I got the sex so infrequently.

The second bullshit option is to consider that he actually planned out this stupid ploy. "Hmmmm...let's see if Trouble will fall for me booty calling her. If she goes for it, then she's clearly not over me nor will she be faithful to dating other people." Really, asshole? REALLY?!?! Because that right there is the most moronic fucking thing I've ever heard. You got shut the fuck down and THIS is how you try to recover? Even if it is true, did you really think that this would endear me to you somehow? How could your tiny brain even think up this idiotic plan and think that it would be okay? I know that you aren't very smart and that you're clearly an idiot, but this? Even a retarded 3 year old would see the idiocies in this moronic plan. And to tell me that you did this on purpose and I should be grateful was what catapulted you into complete thunderdouche category.

And did I mention the timing? You just happened to do this shit right after I had a date. You even called and asked me about it so that you knew it went well. You even asked if I'd had sex with him (which was weird and NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS) Jealous much, you fuckmunch?

No matter why you did it, no matter what asinine reason you'll puke out to justify it, that shit was fucked up and wrong. I didn't deserve it. What I deserved was to be treated like a human being, not a whore or a pawn in your stupid mind games. I have been nothing but nice to you. I've continued to help you in the wake of our break up and I've bent over backwards to keep our friendship going. That shit is now over. I'm done with you. I'm writing you off as I've never done anyone before. You've insulted me in every way possible and I have no use for you ever again. As a Christian, I was taught to forgive and forget. One day, I will forgive you but I will never forget how I felt when your true nature came out. I felt tricked and betrayed. We will never be friends again. Ever...

I won't say that I hope you die because even I'm not that cruel and evil. It will be as though you never existed. After I'm over this I will no longer speak of you. You will be erased from my mind as a person forever. So I hope this shit you pulled was worth it. You've just lost the best friend you've ever had.

You never deserved me anyway, you sad, pathetic piece of shit...