That's exactly what I am. Except I'm not so little anymore...
My 30th birthday was a hit, but immediately on its heels was a full blown depressive slide. And to make matters worse, I'm not turning my feelings inward. Oh no. I'm exploding with rage toward anything that happens to be in my path; behaving like a surly teenager. And I'm fully aware that I may be irrational or unreasonable but my crazy brain will NOT allow me to act like a normal decent person. The normal Trouble is stuck in there somewhere, watching in horror, as my crazy bipolar counterpart attempts to destroy everything in its path. I'm trapped beneath this broken system of overstimulated emotional synapses and chemical imbalances. I fully expect to emerge from this slide without several friends, without a job (the one that I actually like), my dog will probably start to shun me, and Eggo will be gone (he is in no way equipped to handle me right now as I just keep harping on him in every way imaginable). I'm cringing just imagining half of the things that have happened or are going to happen. I just want to lock myself away for a week or so to keep from hurting myself and everyone around me. Alas, the bills need to be paid so I'm thrust out into the world, an emotional behemoth, and everyone will have to just duck, cover, and hope for the best.
So to my FB cronies, I apologize in advance for being an emo bitch. And to my RL friends, please bear with me. I'm hoping the meds will kick in soon (a week?). And please God (PLEASE GOD), let Eggo stick around! He doesn't deserve half of the crap I've heaped on him and he deserves NONE of the crap that maybe to come.
As much as I loathe myself in this state, I was actually getting very happy in the life I was living. Yes, there was the occasional bit of unpleasantness but I was coasting through pretty well. Now, I just want to bury myself in my bed and never come up for air. The death and suicide dreams are back whenever the insomnia allows me to sleep. My motivation for any and everything is gone. *sigh* Here's hoping this one will be brief.
***Written by the prisoner Trouble in a brief flash of normalcy during the day
If he's as much like me as he seems to be, he'll be able to manage. When the ex would shut off and become that other person I, myself, would shut off and become another person. Kind of like a Stone Me to fend off the depressive angry her.
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